You Won’t Hear It From Me

Can I keep a secret?

Oh, sure, I can keep a secret.

I keep them in a book, on my coffee table.

It’s called Steve’s Big NOT A Book of Secrets. 

The book is called that. The coffe table is called Really a Coffee Table. 

The book is full of my best kept secrets.

One time, a coworker startled me and I farted out loud.

Another time, I got a golf cart stuck on a shrub.

I once framed a state trooper in Missoula for arson.

I murdered every coworker who’d heard me fart out loud.

And I don’t like beets.

So, yeah.

I can keep a secret.