this heat –
our heads remain
© Steve Mitchell 2021
maybe I’ll write
music for the
by millions and
I’ll sell it
I’ll sit back
I’ll rake in
© Steve Mitchell 2021
I need a hat.
I’ve been shopping online for a hat.
Specifically, I need a hat to keep those pesky, harmful, UV rays off my head and face and ears and neck.
Honestly, I guess I don’t need one. I want one.
Yeah, I want a hat.
Why do I want one, you ask?
Well, it’s for my vacation. I’m on vacation, officially, as of…. today!
We’re going to Universal Studios in California after a brief stop in San Diego, but I won’t tell you exactly when. I don’t want all the internet robbers coming around while we’re gone. Or worse, I don’t want roving bands of Pokemon Go players in our backyard.
Do they rove?
I think they rove.
A couple of years ago, at Disneyland, I got a nasty sunburn on my scalp, in my part. So, I bought a nice, gambler-style, straw hat. I like it, but it has Micky Mouse on it. That’s fine for Disneyland; it made me look like I worked there. But…
I want a different hat.
And I’m going a little crazy. Being an introvert, being lazy, I’ve crawled the inter webs, but I can’t decide what I want.
Do I want a cheap, throw away hat? Do I want an expensive keeper?
Do I want outback or a Panama or safari? Do I wan’t crushable or packable or rigid? Do I want stylish or beat up or outdoorsy?
And the reviews don’t help. For each hat I’ve considered, at least one reviewer says Fit was too large, while another says, hat was smaller than expected! One says Brim is too floppy while another says brim holds up fine in all weather.
So, that’s where I am.
Everyday this week I’ve settled for a different hat. Every day I’ve changed my mind.
Maybe I don’t want a hat at all.
Instead, maybe what I really want is…the perfect hat.
That’s a tall order.
The Perfect Hat
Wish me luck.
trees in the breeze –
© Steve Mitchell 2016
You have entered the Sarcastic Gents of America chat room:
MadJim(mod): Greetings, one and all! Welcome to the first ever online meeting of the SGofA. We’ve gone digital!
Flaco: Hooray! I’m sooooo excited!!!
ICU: *snork* goood one, Flaco!
ICU: excellent sarcasm, bro
Flaco: ummm, I wasnt being sarcastic
Flaco: Were u being sarcastic?
ICU: no, man . . . I would never be sarcastic
Flaco: r u doing it now?
ICU: can’t you tell?
MadJim(mod): I’m gonna interrupt you gentlemen seeing as how I haven’t even officially called the meeting to order.
sTnky: Roll call?
jack: Oh, by all means, can’t skip the official call to order!
Ne’erdowell: Checking in from the great state of Ohio!
MadJim(mod): Jack, what’s that supposed to mean?
Skallywag: Louisiana in the house!!
jack: Nothing MJ, just saying
MadJim(mod): Don’t get cheeky with me
Ne’erdowell: Can’t we all just get along?
ICU: I thnk we can all get along
Ne’erdowell: umm, ICU, *sarcasm* . . . heard of it?
jack: wtf? MJ?
MadJim(mod): Okay everybody stop a moment! This is getting out of hand.
sTnky: brb . . .
ICU: fu, man I’ve heard of it
MadJim(mod): what?!? I’m booting you ICU, bye bye
*ICU has left chat*
Ne’erdowell: ICU was talking to me MJ
jack: I just love dictator censorship!
jack: that was sarcasm
MadJim(mod): This is not a democracy, jack. If u don’t like it there’s the door
jack: fine maybe I’ll just go
Flaco: Oh no! jack don’t go!
Skallywag: good one flaco!
MadJim(mod): OKay, I’m calling a temporary halt to all sarcasm until we get the meeting officially started.
Ne’erdowell: That makes perfect sense considering we’re the Sarcastic Gents of America
MadJim(mod): You’re treading on thin ice Ne’er . . .
Ne’erdowell: I just mean because we’re Gents . . . gentlemen? Is it just me? This is confusing.
jack: *most* of us are Gents, some of us are dictators
MadJim(mod): bye bye Jack
*jack has left chat*
Skallywag: Louisiana in da heeeeeoooouuuuuuussssssss!!!!!
MadJim(mod): bye bye Skallywag
*Skallywag has left chat*
Flaco: Wht was tht for?
MadJim(mod): just because
Flaco: r u being sarcastic?
Flaco: its rlly hard to tell
Ne’erdowell: do you even know what sarcasm is, Flaco?
Flaco: I know what it is
Ne’erdowell: tell me
Flaco: Oh, Id love to tell u!
Ne’erdowell: err, okay, nevermind . . . or wait. Was that sarcasm?
MadJim(mod): Sayonara Flaco!
*Flaco has left chat*
Ne’erdowell: Can u believe that guy?
Ne’erdowell: So, now what?
MadJim(mod): I guess that’s it. This meeting is adjourned.
Ne’erdowell: Yeah. Okay. cya
*Ne’erdowell has left chat*
*MadJim(mod) has left chat*
sTnky: im back!
sTnky: n e body here?
sTnky: man . . .
sTnky: Why does this always happen?
sTnky: this is JUST WONDERFUL
*sTnky has left chat*
© Steve Mitchell 2010