Decisive

should I

flip a coin?

yes?

no?

so

here

heads, I flip a coin

tails, I…

——

© Steve Mitchell 2023 

This Probably Happened

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Dora

Dora wh- wait a minute! Is this Dorabell Salesman? Because, I’ve got a bone to pick with you!

No, no. I’m Dorabell Repairguy. No relation.

Oh, well, I’m glad you’re here. The darn thing quit working, but then you showed up! This must be my lucky day!

Your’s and mine bo- *Ding Dong* …ah. Okay, never mind. It was just kind of stuck.

Fantastic! Umm. I’m not paying for that.

Fine. Good day, Sir.

Good day…oh, wait! Wait! Do you also fix doorknobs? Hello? I can’t open the door. Are you there? Hello? Hello?

Knock knock

Is it you? Who’s there?

Stan

Stan who?

Stand back! I’ll break the door and save you!

Hooray!

——

© Steve Mitchell 2022 

Nailed It?

Okay, I’ve got this. I can do this. I can give them whatever expression they want. I’m an actor! I’m confident! I’m capable! I’m not going to freeze this time. Never again! I will never again, EVER, just stand there like a deer in the headlights! I can do this. Let’s go!

Number 3, are you ready?

I’m ready!

Great. Here’s the expression we want to see from you:

Give us . . . deer in the headlights.

——

© Steve Mitchell 2022 

First And Last Day

okay, hi

yes okay

now…so, what do I?

I don’t –

what am I supposed to do?

I just –

okay

could you maybe just

could you maybe tell me?

I don’t –

what is that?

just tell me

tell me, please

I don’t know how to do this

just tell me

just tell me what I’m supposed to do!

just EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!

USE WORDS!

eesh

okay

it’s all just –

never mind

NEVER MIND!

I’m done

that’s it

I’m done

thank you

good bye

I’m not coming back

I don’t like this

it’s just not for me

this

Mime School

——

© Steve Mitchell 2021 

It Could Happen…?

Contestant #2: I’ll take Grammartastic for two hundred, please.

Host: The answer, “A sentence worded or expressed so as to solicit information.” Yes, Contestant #2

Contestant #2: What is a question.

Host: Ohh, no. Sorry. Remember to phrase your response in the form of a question. While “What” is, indeed, a question, the correct response is, “What is a question?” You’re still in control. Pick again…

——

© Steve Mitchell 2021 

Take Two Googly Eyes, Put ‘em On A Red Bell PepperAnd…

What have I done!

Hard Work

If I worked for a temp agency, for every new job, I’d wear a big, fake mustache and ugly, horned rimmed glasses.

Then, even if I were slow and bad at the job, people might think I was an Undercover Boss.

Yeah.

.I’d coast right on through to payday, Baby.

.

.

strong wind –
a spider weaves its
tangled web

——

© Steve Mitchell 2021

Dog Eat Dog

K9 News: …here at the scene with one neighborhood resident who witnessed the entire attack. Rex, you say you saw Mr. Binkums attack the mailman?

Rex: ahh, well…umm

K9 News: Don’t be shy. Speak, Rex. Speak!

Rex: umm Yes, I did. I saw the whole thing. Mr. Binkums out of nowhere just attacked and wouldn’t stop until the mailman hit him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

K9 News: Interesting. What do you think, if anything, provoked the attack?

Rex: Who can say? I mean, we’ve all thought about it, sure – those mailmen acting so smug, just opening the gates and walking up on the porches. But, I don’t know. Mr. Binkums always seemed like a good boy. He’s great at catching frisbees. He loves to shake hands. I don’t know.

K9 News: Were there any red flags you might’ve noticed in his behavior?

Rex: Well, I’m colorblind. I wasn’t going to say anything, but now that you mention it. Yeah. Everyone in the neighborhood has been talking about it, Sparky, Champ, Lady LaLa; we’ve all noticed. For one thing, Mr. Binkums likes to hang around with cats. Always hanging around with cats. Can you imagine? Oh, and he eats real dainty. He just nibbles, nibbles, nibbles. Um, and he ignores strange noises in the alley, just completely ignores them. That’s weird. But the weirdest thing, maybe, is how he pushes his butt backwards across the lawn! Who does that?

K9 News: Odd behavior, certainly. Any last comments, Rex?

Rex: Yeah, I just want to say we all feel real bad about the whole thing, especially for Mr. Binkums’ wife and his dog. They seem decent. It’s got to be hard on them.

K9 News: Indeed. Thank you again, Rex. And back to you, Chet.

——

© Steve Mitchell 2021

The Arrow Straight And True

And now, stepping up to the range, we have Xander Douglas. You may recall Xander just missed a spot on the American archery team during the last Olympics games.

Perhaps driven by that failure, Xander has competed since like a man possessed, burning through every match, winning the World Games, and landing himself a spot on this team as a favorite to take it all. There’s no doubt he’s got his sights set on Olympic gold.

And now he’s lined up. Careful concentration, aaaand…he shoots. Wait –

Oh I can’t believe this? What is this? Oh, I should’ve seen this coming.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we said he’d set his sights on the gold medal and we weren’t lying. He’s shot the gold medal! He’s shot it straight through the center!

Why would he do that?

We do not know.

But.

He won’t be winning the gold with that behavior! No Sir! He might even have to pay for that.

In any case, with that bit of drama, we cut away to the new Olympic sport of Mixed Sand Curling, already in progress. Jack?

——

© Steve Mitchell 2021

When The Cat’s Away…

Do you ever get home and wonder, Hey? Where’s the cat?

Do you ever walk from room to room, checking all the usual cat hideouts?

Where is that cat?

Is she even inside?

Do you ever rattle a bag of treats, calling out for the cat?

But then,

Do you ever hear tires squealing outside?

Do you ever catch sight of a fast car going faster, way too fast for your quiet neighborhood?

Do you ever rush to the front porch thinking, Oh, no no no!

Oh, no, I can’t believe this! That darn cat!

She’s done it again…

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.

.

.

.

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